Eisenstein
So the rules are simple; we watch a film at random, then we talk trash about it. This is Masked Criticisms.
Hunter
And this week we’re watching a lesbian movie!
Eisenstein
It is honestly completely random, we use an online random generator and-
Hunter
Lesbians!
Eisenstein
Before we get into the review I would just like to say that we here at Masked Criticisms are equal opportunities critics. Everybody has the right to make a bad film regardless of your sexual orientation.
Hunter
But put in some girl on girl action and you get a free pass from me. All the babes in this film were an 8 out of 10 or above so there was always something nice to look at.
Eisenstein
Eye candy aside this film really didn’t have enough story to fill its meagre 75 minutes. Seriously there is so little plot that they had to pad this film with exploitative sex scenes.
Hunter
What you talking about padding? That was the main event. It’s like saying that Die Hard was padded with action scenes or Jaws was padded with shark. This movie is pretty much a soft core porno with some boring Sex-and-the-City-type plot.
Eisenstein
That’s just my point. This film is significantly more boring than it has any right to be. It explores the dominatrix sub-culture from the women’s perspective – which should be interesting- but it does it so shallowly that it appear fake. It wants to be boundary pushing with gratuitous sex and casual drug use…
Hunter
And the attractive ginger…
Eisenstein
But feels so sugar coated and outmoded. The neo-feminism approach is a bizarre take for a 2009 film that it out dates the whole movie.
Hunter
Yeah the feminism bit was way too forced. I get that bitches wanted to look superior or equal to men or something but in the end I was just insulted. I guess that’s why I would never get into the dominatrix culture. I prefer to do the fucking rather than get shit shove up my…
Eisenstein
And another thing this film doesn’t truly portray is the LGBT world. All the women were, as Hunter said, 8 or above so I was just wondering where the butch ones were. There was one nice bloke but he was gay, every other male was a prick or got sodomised.
Hunter
I wouldn’t want to see that though. This film is about sex and wardrobe malfunctions, by the way there is some nip action in this.
Eisenstein
As I said, exploitative sex.
Hunter
So overall I’m going to give this movie a 7 out of 10, it was stunning but also kind of boring. Maybe they could have cut out all the dialogue, now that felt like padding. For a lesbian film it did have a lot of men getting fucked in the butt.
Eisenstein
Realistically this film gets a 5 out of 10 from me. I would not recommend you watch it with your parents, it could lead to a very awkward evening.